You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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