I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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