i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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