you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
