To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
