is your mom at the bar?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
