ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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