I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
