I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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