I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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