I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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