I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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