If that was your dad, he is hot
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
