I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize