Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
