I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i came on her dog
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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