So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
