no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
