Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
