He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
