I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
