dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
