You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
