things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
