After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
