I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
