Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
where are my eyebrows?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
