man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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