..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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