Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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