She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
