Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
