Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize