i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
