bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
