Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
