People in love make me want to vomit
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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