so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
