It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize