About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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