woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
