it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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