When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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