I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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