how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
