We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I need a beard to bite.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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