OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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