I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
