On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
