Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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