she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
