So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
