Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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