You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
