So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
