Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
