im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
