Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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