i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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