i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
