can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
