We're like a lot better than the average bears
Don't make out with my wife yet
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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