There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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