i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
