Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
