mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm experimenting with sincerity
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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