Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
