I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
