You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
