I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
