Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
