All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
