I didn't shave. On purpose
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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