the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
