I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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