Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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