Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
